June 3, 2026
Loneliness in old age—finding motivation and connection
In this episode, co-hosts Carmenn Miles and Dr. Tamika Perry sit down with Roshni LeBoutillier, DO. The conversation breaks down the emotional and medical effects of isolation, practical ways to rebuild social connection, and small, realistic steps that can help restore a sense of purpose and motivation at any age.
Docs in a Pod focuses on health issues affecting adults. Clinicians and partners discuss stories, topics and tips to help you live healthier.
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Show transcript
Podcast transcript
INTRO
Welcome to Docs in a Pod presented by WellMed. Over the next half hour, Docs in a Pod will educate you about the health and wellness of adults everywhere. Co-host Dr. Tamika Perry and Carmenn Miles will share information to improve your health and well-being. And now here are Carmenn Miles and Dr. Tamika Perry.
CARMENN MILES
Hello everyone, I'm Carmenn Miles and we are delighted to have you with us today on the award winning Docs in a Pod where we come to you every week with a look at a variety of health and wellness issues as they affect anyone of any age, but primarily those who are 65 and older. Our resident co-host today is the Dr. Tamika Perry. Dr. Perry is associate medical director for WellMed and works to support the providers at a number of WellMed clinics located in the Dallas area. She's been with WellMed for more than 10 years now, where she works diligently to deliver quality care and a compassionate patient experience. Dr. Perry earned her undergraduate degree from Prairie View A&M University, then went on to Philadelphia College of Osteopathic Medicine, where she was a National Health Service Corps Scholar. Next, she completed her family medicine residency at Methodist Charleston Medical Center, where she served as Chief Resident. Dr. Perry is board certified by the American Osteopathic Board of Family Physicians. She's earned a master's in public health, with an emphasis on health management and policy from the University of North Texas Health Science Center. She's also a diplomat of the American Board of obesity medicine. Goodness, a mouthful. You've worked so hard to be where you are, Dr. Perry. How are you?
DR. TAMIKA PERRY
Great. I am more excited about our guest for today.
CARMENN MILES
Let's introduce our guest, Dr. Roshni LeBoutillier. Dr. LeBoutillier is a board certified family medicine physician with additional board certification and osteopathic manipulative medicine. Dr. LeBoutillier grew up in the Tampa Bay area and completed her undergraduate education at the University of Florida, where she majored in psychology. She earned her medical degree from Nova Southeastern University in Fort Lauderdale, and completed her residency training and family medicine at Saint Petersburg General Hospital. Dr. LeBoutillier is currently the lead physician at Optum in Paris, Florida, and outside of medicine, she's a wife, a mom to two daughters, and a very energetic pup named Bento. She loves spending time outdoors with her family and recharged by reading and exercising. Hello and welcome to Docs in a Pod, Dr. LeBoutillier. I'm curious how you came up with the name Bento for your pup. And what kind of pup are we talking?
DR. ROSHNI LEBOUTILLIER
First of all, thank you for having me today.
CARMENN MILES
Absolutely.
DR. ROSHNI LEBOUTILLIER
My husband and I both met when we were at our undergraduate in Gainesville, and Bentos was one of the restaurants that we used to frequent. So, that was kind of where the name came from. I was trying to think of a unique dog name, and that popped into my head. I pitched it to my husband and he was like, that sounds great.
CARMENN MILES
And you ran with it. Very good, I love it. I'm a dog. I'm a dog person, so whenever somebody has a dog, I've got to ask a few questions about that. Today we're discussing what is considered a major public health concern, affecting both the mental and physical health of older adults. Dr. LeBoutillier, why is loneliness now considered a public health issue for seniors? And why do you believe loneliness increases with age for many of our patients?
DR. ROSHNI LEBOUTILLIER
Well, it's becoming such a big concern because as our population gets older, unfortunately, you experience the loss of family members and friends. The loss of being able to work or being able to do the things that you used to be able to do. I don't think it's overlooked, but I think it's hard for people to kind of manage that grief that comes with the aging process and figure out how to get through it.
DR. TAMIKA PERRY
A lot of my patients themselves, they don't think of it as a medical issue, so don't even ask. Or they think that is a testament of their own weakness to be lonely, which is totally not true. Dr. LeBoutillier did a beautiful job is just to be explaining the transitions of life. Like right now she is super wife, super mom, super career person, radio extraordinaire. But that doesn't last forever. So, I am in a step or two above her in life in terms of progression. So, my daughter is in college now. I'm not super mom anymore, I'm just super advisor and she don't listen to anything I say. We change in life, so we have to deal with that change in life.
CARMENN MILES
Yeah, I agree, I understand that. Let's take a moment to welcome those who may have just joined us. You're listening to the award winning Docs in a Pod presented by WellMed. I'm Carmenn Miles, chatting with our resident co-host, Dr. Tamika Perry, and our guest today, Dr. LeBoutillier. When I think about loneliness, my thought is that two things can be true at the same time. We can be surrounded by people most of the time and still feel lonely. At the same time, we can live alone and not feel lonely at all. I think loneliness is not necessarily about proximity to others or being alone. It's the feeling of being disconnected, whether you're surrounded by family and friends or alone a lot of the time. Living alone doesn't always mean loneliness, but it can increase the risk of isolation. Do you agree with that, Dr. LeBoutillier?
DR. ROSHNI LEBOUTILLIER
Absolutely. I mean, I have some patients who are very aware that they isolate themselves, but they're perfectly happy that way. They prefer it. They want to read their books, do their own exercise, or not. Depends on what they enjoy doing. They're perfectly fine with it. Then there's others who it's like that ÒshouldÓ mentality. I should be doing this. I shouldn't be doing that. I should not feel this way. I think a lot of it is a mindset where it's not a should or should not issue, it's just what is. What is happening? What is reality and what what's a story that we're telling ourselves that's keeping ourselves from moving forward?
CARMENN MILES
That narrative. That false narrative.
DR. ROSHNI LEBOUTILLIER
Yes, that false narrative. I see it all the time. That's honestly where counseling comes in. I think it's very helpful to have a counselor, no matter what stage of life you're in.
CARMENN MILES
Right.
DR. ROSHNI LEBOUTILLIER
I recommend it to anybody and everybody. There is nothing wrong with it. I feel like there's been such a social stigma about mental health that thankfully, I think there's a lot more awareness with mental health now. But it's still hard, I think, especially for our elderly population, to get out of that mindset where that stigma was present for so long that I should be able to handle all these things. I'm aging, but why can't I do what I could do before? I don't understand this. Yes, it's part of the aging process, but it's having that fluidity in your mindset and having those expectations that you set for yourself. Quite frankly, I think a lot of people are just a lot harder on themselves than it should be.
CARMENN MILES
Sure.
DR. TAMIKA PERRY
That's what a counselor does. It helps you tease out self-expectations, your new normal, finding your new tribe. I love senior centers. There's one next door to my office, so we volunteer there, I teach classes there, I go to classes there because everyone has found their tribe. They've all made it to the next phase in life. They're empty nesters. Unfortunately, some spouses may have passed, or they may have gotten a divorce, but everybody's in a similar situation. We're retired, we have grandkids now, and even our grandkids are growing up now. So, where is my new tribe? You find that new tribe in senior centers, in churches and clubs, like book clubs or knitting clubs or whatever the case may be. But it's important that we find that. Your new tribe may even include a four legged friend. It's always just been me and my daughter forever, and when she went off to college, the moment that she said, no, mama, I'm good and walked away, I had this profuse crying. It was like the ugly one where like mucus is coming out of all the membranes, and you can't catch your breath. I didn't know what was coming. I'm like, what is wrong with me? We were still on campus. I thought they were going to call 911. But I looked around and there were a few other moms doing the same thing. I'm like, oh, thank God.
CARMENN MILES
YouÕre in good company.
DR. TAMIKA PERRY
Right. You know what I did like the next week? I got a puppy. The puppy I still have. I just didn't like being in the house, and I could hear every noise. What helps you navigate this space as a person in your new your new position in life? Counselors are great at that. Dr. LeBoutillier knows. She was a psychology major, so she's a 2 in 1.
CARMENN MILES
I love it. Let's talk about some of those major life changes. You mentioned empty nest. Some of those life changes that can disrupt social connection and that and the physical and mental health issues that these life changes can present. Again, you talked about empty nest. Retirement is another one. Children moving away, as I mentioned. Maybe even losing a spouse or friends. Are there other life changes that we as people looking for the outside in should be cognizant of that could present, some issues or changes in terms of connection and isolation in our senior patients and our senior family members? What else you're looking for?
DR. ROSHNI LEBOUTILLIER
I think even the loss of being able to drive. That independence factor. When you have a car, you can go anywhere. Especially certain places where I'm at, public transportation is there, but it's not New York City. I mean, you're not getting from one end to the other in a matter of minutes. It's hard. For some of my patients, even just getting a doctor's appointment is hard, and then this ends up being their sole social outing for a while. I do love the idea of the senior centers. I wish we had more in my area. Another good one would be I also encourage people to go to their local library. They have so many groups like computer classes if they're interested in technology and learning about what's up and coming and trying to understand all these changes that are happening. Book clubs, as you said or knitting. They have so many different opportunities available and you just have to go out there and put yourself out there.
CARMENN MILES
Those are all great ideas. We need to take a quick break but stay with us as we continue to unpack loneliness and older adults. Why it happens, the risk factors, and how to stay connected and avoid the debilitating effects that loneliness and isolation can present. You're listening to the award winning Docs in a Pod presented by WellMed. We'll be right back.
AD
For over 35 years, WellMed has redefined health care for older adults and people on Medicare. We're physician led and nationally recognized as an Age-Friendly Health System. Our doctors take time to listen and support your unique needs, working with Medicare and select Medicare Advantage plans to keep you healthy and independent. With 24/7 nurse support, telemedicine, in-home, and office visits, care is always within reach. WellMed. Compassionate care. Proven results. Visit wellmedhealthcare.com to learn more.
CARMENN MILES
We're back on Docs in a Pod. Thanks for sticking with us. I'm Carmenn Miles alongside co-host Dr. Tamika Perry. Our guest today is Dr. LeBoutillier. We're talking about loneliness in older adults. Dr. LeBoutillier, a loneliness isn't just an emotional issue. It has some real effects on health, both from a mental and physical health standpoint and in some cases, is linked to cognitive decline. You'll tell me if I'm accurate about that or not, but have you seen cases where loneliness can contribute to serious health conditions?
DR. ROSHNI LEBOUTILLIER
Oh, yeah. All the time, unfortunately. There's the normal forgetfulness and then thereÕs people I see who come in and they're telling me theyÕre forgetting things that they should definitely be able to remember. To the point where sometimes they have trouble even functioning on their own and doing the things that they need to do. I find that I have quite a number of patients who show signs of dementia and will even test positive for dementia on our objective tests in office. They also have this depression, anxiety, loneliness that is kind of muddying the waters a bit, and it's like, well, do you truly have dementia or are you just extremely lonely? So, I definitely see that all the time and that's where we try and get our neurologists on board, try and get our counselors on board as need. As we were discussing earlier, to try and tease out exactly what's going on because of course you don't want to have to treat somebody for dementia if that's not the root cause. They're not going to get better. They they'll probably get worse. We want to get to the root cause of the issue, and if the root cause is a loneliness or root issue, it has a different approach.
DR. TAMIKA PERRY
Absolutely. Even in the other direction, some physical disorders can make loneliness and or depression worse like hypothyroidism. So, that can make you have those feelings instead of the feelings exacerbating a mental disorder than the actual physical disorder made you have the mental feelings. The important message here is that as we progress in age, loneliness will contribute to depression, and our health status will contribute to loneliness and depression. Sometimes people don't like to tell others of their diagnosis of cancer. I've had lots of children call me upset or want to change doctors. You didn't find my momÕs cancer. You didn't tell me about it. I'm not obligated to tell you because your mama told me not to tell you. We did find your mom's health problem. Once again, she did not want me to disclose that to you. So, now you're in a vacuum by yourself dealing with this, and you feel like you're the only one in the world, which is not the case. With a lot of major physical disorders, you have support groups because there are other people going through the same thing as you. Even our caregivers a lot of times will experience loneliness because they're in this vacuum by themselves, or they're taking care of mom or dad who may have dementia or terminal cancer, and the rest of their family or friends are living their best lives. They're nice to them from afar, but while you're at home when mom is gravely ill, they're at brunch. Now they're in this lonely little vacuum. There are support groups for them also because there are a bunch of people in that lonely little vacuum who are taking care of their loved ones. There are resources, and this is where you gather your resources from your primary care provider, from support groups, and most certainly from your licensed therapist. Dr. LeBoutillier, you utilize all those resources, correct?
DR. ROSHNI LEBOUTILLIER
Yes, absolutely. We utilize therapists. We utilize our social workers if we need them. Sometimes depending on what's going on with the patient as far as getting resources for those patients, palliative care is a great option for a lot of people depending on what health issues they have. They have a lot of resources that are available to patients that qualify for that, especially as they age. It also helps the caregivers, too. I know some people will also try to get home health aides, but that can get a little bit pricier because insurance doesnÕt always have that available. It's not always covered. But, yeah, we definitely use those resources.
DR. TAMIKA PERRY
This is what I suggest for the caretakers in my practice who feel like they're in a vacuum. Once a week, you have to do something for two hours. Utilize someone else around you to take care of that loved one, but you do what you like to do. Go to the movies with your friend. Go have brunch. Even if it's reading a book. Anything that doesn't put you in that vacuum where you feel like you know you're the only person in the world going to this situation. Consequently, for my patients who are experiencing lonely loneliness that quite often leads to depression, before we even get there, I always give them an assignment, and I say, you are to have lunch with your neighbor at least one time before I see you again in three months. Or you are to go see the new Michael Jackson movie if you're a fan. This is not a paid advertisement by the way. The point is for you to get out and to do something to take you out of that mindset. It may remind you that, hey, you actually like life.
DR. ROSHNI LEBOUTILLIER
Yeah, absolutely. I love that idea. I'm going to have to steal that from you. I hope that's okay.
DR. TAMIKA PERRY
Absolutely. I actually write it down in their chart, and I'm saying I'm going to ask you next time, what did you think about it? What did you think about the movie? Then it obligates me to see it too, because then we got to talk about it. I know you've seen this in your patients, where you've seen a person who was been married for years and their spouse either divorced or death or whatever the case may be, and then that whole person's demeanor changes. They talk about how theyÕre at home by themselves and how they were with the same person for 42 years. So, before it starts to escalate onto severe depression, hallucinations, suicidal ideation, before it even started to escalate to that, this is your assignment. Your daughter, who is your emergency contact, she lives three miles away from you. You are to have Sunday night dinner at her house at least one time before the next time I see you. Sometimes I will engage the family too and say, hey, listen, this is what I'm noticing. Do you mind entertain me and make a spaghetti for dad this Sunday? A lot of times, they are down for whatever.
CARMENN MILES
Yeah. Even the smallest gestures, right? It doesn't have to be this grandiose gesture. I love it. Just go over and cook dinner. Spend some time. Hear your loved one out. Listen to them and be patient because sometimes they're hard of hearing or don't express themselves as quickly as they had in years past. The great thing, again, is loneliness can be addressed and even prevented with the right strategies. Simple daily habits are out there that can help reduce loneliness. What are some other things? We mentioned the senior centers. We talked about exercise. What are some other strategies that are simple that we can incorporate to get us out of that loneliness hole?
DR. TAMIKA PERRY
I think fun for me and my patients. The expert is most certainly Dr. LeBoutillier, but a routine of something that is enjoyable to you in your life. So, I have gotten back into the groove of going to my step in line dance class on Wednesdays because this is where I can fellowship, I get some exercise in, it's fun. You put something in your life that is almost like breathing or brushing your teeth. You got to do it. I guess you don't have to brush your teeth or breathe, but it's not in your best interest, right? So, you have to do it. So, put something in your life that you have to do.
CARMENN MILES
Yeah. Like-minded people, too.
DR. TAMIKA PERRY
I'm going to let Dr. LeBoutillier pour us with all of her great knowledge but just remember we're in the time of technology. So, if you're in a person who has transportation issues or you're still a little afraid to be around people because of whatever pandemic or epidemic that's going on, remember, you can fellowship with people via the internet. There are classes that you can take online, you can FaceTime your friend. Most certainly if you choose to engage in social media to talk to people, also consult your physician. I know that sounds strange, but for the senior population, we can give you resources to say what is safe and what is not safe. What's a scam or what's not a scam?
DR. ROSHNI LEBOUTILLIER
Yeah, absolutely. Everything that you said and kind of going off of those simple daily habits, go outside. Walk around for 10 or 15 minutes. If you're not used to doing it, nobody's asking you to go run a marathon. Walk around your block, increase it as you go. You're getting some cardiovascular benefits, and maybe you'll meet some other people in your neighborhood, find some mutual interests and make some new friends that way if you if you haven't been able to break out of your shell to learn about the people who are around you and make some new friends. I guess that's one of the assignments that I try to give my patients is, hey, spend 10 to 15 minutes outside every day. That sunshine, it makes a big difference. The endorphins just from walking and exercise, if you're not used to doing it, that also helps to you. That triggers your dopamine response. The more you do it, the more you're going to want to do it. I think that helps with that self-motivation aspect also. Other things could be, like we talked about just finding like-minded people through senior centers and library groups.
CARMENN MILES
That's right. We are never too old to make new friends, right?
DR. TAMIKA PERRY
Never.
CARMENN MILES
Well, thank you, ladies. You have been a wealth of information. We're just about out of time. Loneliness is not an individual issue. I want to stress that it's a community responsibility. Check in on your older relatives and neighbors and friends and encourage those social activities as discussed today. Be patient and listen to your family members. Create opportunities to connect. Like Dr. Perry said, go over and make a make a pot of spaghetti for your loved one. A phone call or even a brief visit goes a long way. Thank you for joining us as we explore ways to live healthier lives. Don't be a stranger. Subscribe to this podcast so you never miss an episode. Be sure to meet us here again next week on the award winning Docs in a Pod presented by WellMed. Thanks ladies.
OUTRO
Executive producer for Docs in a Pod is Dan Calderon. The producer is Cherese Pendleton. Thank you for listening to Docs in a Pod presented by WellMed. Be sure and listen next week to Docs in a Pod presented by WellMed.
DISCLAIMER
This transcript is generated using a podcast editing tool; there may be small differences between this transcript and the recorded audio content.
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