Coming out to your doctor as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, or questioning (LGBTQ+) can feel vulnerable — even if you’re already out in other parts of your life. But sharing your sexual orientation and/or gender identity with your healthcare providers can lead to more informed, respectful, and individualized care.
Who you come out to — and whether you come out at all — is always your choice. But the more your providers know about you, the better equipped they are to support both your physical and emotional well-being.
LGBTQ+ identity among older adults
The number of Americans identifying as LGBTQ+ has doubled since 2020, reaching 9.3% in 2024, according to Gallup. Based on interviews with 14,000 adults aged 18 and older, here are the generational trends:
- Gen Z (1997–2006): 1% in 2024; 15.9% in 2020
- Millennials (1981–1996): 2% in 2024; 9.1% in 2020
- Generation X (1965–1980): 1% in 2024; 3.8% in 2020
- Baby Boomers (1946–1964): 3% in 2024; 2% in 2020
- Silent Generation (1945 and earlier): 8% in 2024; 1.3% in 2020
Women are more likely than men to identify as LGBTQ+ (10% vs. 6%), with bisexuality being the most common identity reported. Experts suggest that as visibility and acceptance have grown, more people feel safe to live openly.
Coming out later in life
Gallup data shows most LGBTQ+ adults understood their identities as teens. Older generations often waited longer to come out — or have not come out at all.
Among LGBTQ+ older adults:
- Ages 50–64: Median coming-out age was 23
- Age 65+: Median coming-out age was 26
- 9% waited until 40 or older; 8% until 50+
- 22% have not come out to anyone — the highest rate of any age group
SAGE, a national advocacy group for LGBTQ+ older adults, attributes this trend to the different societal pressures and levels of discrimination many grew up with. Sometimes, significant life events — such as the death of a partner or a child coming out — can become turning points for people to share their own identity.
Why coming out to your doctor can matter
While coming out is always a personal decision, being open with your healthcare provider can improve your care in many ways:
- Trust: It helps build a stronger, more honest relationship
- Understanding: Your doctor can better understand your life and avoid assumptions
- Tailored care: Some health issues disproportionately affect LGBTQ+ people; being out can help your doctor screen or support accordingly
- Mental health support: Your provider can connect you with affirming mental health care if needed
Ways to come out to your doctor
There’s no “right” way or time to come out. When you’re ready, here are some helpful strategies:
- Start the conversation: If intake forms don’t ask about sexual orientation or gender identity, you can bring it up yourself.
- Request time to talk: Set up a separate appointment to avoid feeling rushed
- Bring support: A partner, friend, or trusted companion can offer reassurance
- Prepare your questions: Ask about confidentiality, specific care needs, and anything else on your mind.
- Share at your own pace: You don’t have to disclose everything at once — only what you’re comfortable with.
Finding LGBTQ+-affirming providers
If your doctor isn’t supportive — or you don’t feel safe being open — you deserve care from someone who respects and affirms you. Here’s how to find that care:
- Ask around: Personal referrals from trusted friends or community members can go a long way
- Visit provider websites: Many clinics include inclusivity language and services online
- Call ahead: Office staff should be able to answer basic questions about LGBTQ+ inclusivity and experience
- Use directories: GLMA (glma.org) offers a searchable database of LGBTQ+-affirming healthcare professionals across specialties
Everyone deserves respectful, compassionate care. When you’re ready, sharing your full self with your provider can be a powerful step toward better health — and the right doctor will welcome that with understanding and appreciation.
References
- “LGBTQ+ Identification in U.S. Rises to 9.3%,” Feb. 20, 2025. Accessed May 27, 2025. https://news.gallup.com/poll/656708/lgbtq-identification-rises.aspx
- Gallup, “LGBT Identification Rises to 5.6% in Latest U.S. Estimate,” Feb. 24, 2021. Accessed May 27, 2025. https://news.gallup.com/poll/329708/lgbt-identification-rises-latest-estimate.aspx
- Gallup, “LGBTQ+ Adults Are Coming Out at Younger Ages Than in the Past,” July 26, 2024. Accessed May 27, 2025. https://news.gallup.com/poll/647636/lgbtq-adults-coming-younger-ages-past.aspx
- SAGE, “Gay people who come out later in life face unique obstacles,” Oct. 30, 2021. Accessed May 27, 2025. https://www.sageusa.org/news-posts/gay-people-who-come-out-later-in-life-face-unique-obstacles/
- Frontiers in Psychiatry, “Successful Aging in Among Older LGBTQIA+ People: Future Research and Implications,” Oct. 25, 2021. Accessed May 27, 2025. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8573324/
