Not having an active social life is so common for older men, comedian John Mulaney joked about it on Saturday Night Live: “If you think your dad has friends, you’re wrong. Your mom has friends, and they have husbands.”

Indeed, studies show men on average have fewer friends than women. Men also are less likely to tell people they are feeling lonely, even when they are.

But loneliness can hurt your health. It can make you feel worse physically and mentally, make chronic illnesses worse, and speed up memory problems. Experts say loneliness is one reason older men have the highest suicide rate in America.

Older men can find ways to ease their loneliness. But family, friends, and doctors might need to help them.

What is Loneliness?

Loneliness means feeling alone, separated, or apart from others. Being alone doesn’t necessarily make someone lonely. Feeling alone does.

Older adults are more likely to feel lonely because they might have:

• Health problems: Physical issues and chronic illnesses can make it hard to leave home or talk to others.
• Life changes: Losing loved ones, retiring, or moving can make it hard to build a new routine.
• Feeling like a burden: People with health problems might feel unwanted because they need a lot of care.

Loneliness is more common in rural areas and among low-income older adults.

Why Older Men Are More Likely to Feel Lonely

Loneliness can affect anyone, but older men are at higher risk because:

• Men usually have fewer friends than women. About 15% of older men say they have no friends, compared to 10% of women, according to data gathered from more than 2,000 adults by the American Perspectives Survey.
• It’s common that an older man’s spouse or partner organized days out with friends. Losing that person not only can leave an older man alone at home, but also feeling cut off from the social life he used to have.
• Men who were focused on being the “breadwinner” might struggle to find purpose after retirement.
• Men are less likely to admit they feel lonely. They might show it by being grumpy.

How Loneliness Hurts Older Men’s Health

Loneliness can cause stress, depression, sleep problems, and appetite issues. It can hurt the immune system, heart, and hormones. It can make chronic illnesses worse, including memory problems.

Older men are specifically at higher risk for alcohol abuse and suicide. Loneliness is one reason why men over 85, followed by men ages 75-84, have the highest suicide rates in the United States, according for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

How to Fight Loneliness

Making new friends or trying new things can be hard, but it’s worth it. Here are some ways to do it:

• Volunteer: Help where you can. Organizations need and want your skills and your wisdom. You’ll meet new people, and find new or renewed purpose.
• Join activities or classes: If you don’t know where to start looking, check your local library, parks department, or senior center.
• Stay in touch: Schedule regular calls with family and friends. Reach out to old friends on social media. Suggest to them you get together in person or on a call.
• Get a pet: Pets can be comforting and give you a sense of purpose.

Helping Older Men Fight Loneliness

Older men might not say they feel lonely. Family, caregivers, and doctors might need to take the first step for them, without showing pity that might be embarrassing. They can help by inviting them to events or conversations. They can offer rides, or easy transportation options. They can share information about things they might like, and even offer to go along. By doing this, they can make someone feel seen and wanted.

If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide or having a mental health crisis, call 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline and talk to a trained specialist 24/7.